jetstream-tormod:

corporateaccount:

iowa is the only state that consists entirely of vowels

image

(via slapmytitties)

hotelceilings:

brookeeverdeen:

*slides $10 to the government* please cancel school

*puts it towards buying more military defense* *raises college tuition*

(Source: brookeeverdeen, via beyoncebeytwice)

colossal-sweat:

walking out of a bathroom with no hand dryers like

image

(via fake-mermaid)

toopaletofunction:

staythatswhatimeanttosay:

One nation, under Canada, above Mexico.

with liberty and justice for some 

(via la-femininemystique)

tylerslittleshit:

tylerslittleshit:

english is not my first language and all my life i thought brussel sprouts was the name of some celebrity

everyone is always like “i hate brussel sprouts” and all this time i was here thinking what the fuck did that poor guy do

(via slapmytitties)

wavesinjuly:

suckmyphallus:

getterbeam:

imagine if you named your kid dad. just dad.

image

Actually that’s just his nickname. His real name is [trucks honking], but everyone just calls him dad.

(via smellaella13)

"One hears it a lot on airplanes: “Make sure you have your own mask on, before helping others with theirs.”"

Daniel Handler (Lemony Snicket), upon being asked "What’s your very best life advice?"  (via coalesc)

(Source: man-eatingcat, via thegeekyblonde)